It seemed to drizzle a cold clumpy rain the
entire day during an open themed workshop with a group of women in the fall of
2014. Surprisingly the weather on this day acted as a trigger for one of the
women (we will call her Jane to keep her privacy.) It took her back to her
childhood, of being cold and wet while her mother dragged her from door to door
trying to convert people. Her father once and a while would finally take her
into the car and take her shoes off and try to get her feet warm by sticking
them in front of the vents on full heat. In the beginning she would voice her
needs but eventually after being ignored and never stood up for, she fell
silent. Her mother’s choice to convert to JW influenced the rest of her life.
On this day it came rushing back all at once while she worked with a young mare
named Anunciada, Anna for short. Their work began before they got into the
round pen together. Anna paced around the gate, throwing her head, stomping and
showing frustration calling out to Jane. Every time Jane would approach she
would leave. Jane would wander away and again Anna would stomp and clearly want
to Jane to come over.
Once it was time
to start her session Anna was brought into the round pen. When Jane approached,
Anna would barely let her enter. The dance started anew once Jane was in the
center of the pen, Anna would approach, embrace Jane then look away, wander off
and come back. So I asked how Jane was feeling and she said she felt frustrated
(Anna mirrored this by shaking her head and showing signs of frustration.) Jane
just wanted to know what Anna wanted from her. I asked her what she wanted and
she said she wanted connection, for people to be there when she needed them, to
stop abandoning her. She said she felt angry, I asked her if she had ever
voiced her anger before? She said no, I told her to start but she was fearful
that Anna would get angry and run her over. We talked a little about how horses
value congruency, that it is when we are being incongruent that they feel fear.
If we are honest with our anger it is actually a safe space for them as long as
we are not physically venting our anger at them. While she was doing this Anna
moved around the outside of the ring giving her space and staying with her
which she continued to do as Jane finally began to vent her rage. It started
quietly at first, but as she gained momentum her voice grew louder and louder
until she was screaming her rage at the world. At his point Anna stood watching
and waiting, completely focused on Jane in the middle of the circle as she
began to say the things she had never said before. Anna dropped her head and
released a giant sigh as the woman finally found her voice.
She talked about
how she was angry that her father didn’t stand up for his daughter against his
crazy wife, how everything, Christmas the snow the cold stopped at the age of
five, how it all became meaningless. How she just wanted to be a kid and watch
her Saturday morning cartoons and not try to convert people because the world
was coming to an end. She was angry that when she finally knew that there was
no god and that she needed more then ever, her entire community treated her
like she had died. How she had suffered abuse from an elder in that community.
How she wants people and men to be with her through the darkness. She kept
voicing her anger, until Anna came and nudged her. I told her I agreed with
Anna that even though she was giving it a voice she still wasn’t fully engaged,
I told her to get the body involved; what would the body do to voice the anger?
She was stomping mad in the mud, and then she said I just want people to see
me, to witness and be in the mud with me.
As her anger came
to a close she began to let the gates down and sorrow poured out as exhaustion
took over. At this point Anna came to the gate and very clearly was trying to
pull us into the pen. All of us, the two practitioners and the other women in
the workshop followed Anna into the pen. Anna took each one of us, one at a
time and placed us around the weeping woman. She re-arranged us until she was
happy with where we all were. Anna walked a circle around us all as we laid our
hands upon Jane supporting her and keeping her upright. Then Anna came in
herself and gently laid her head against Jane’s heart and allowed her to
collapse over Anna and hug her face. We all stayed that way until she was
finished. When she was ready Anna pulled back and we all broke the connection.
Anna came around to each of us to thank us all and then began to walk to the
gate. Jane said she didn’t need to put her back as Anna knew where to go; she
just wanted to go into the house to warm up as her feet were freezing. Anna did
know where to go and she shook her entire body dislodging all the energy she
had collected before we put her back with her herd.
Jane
had connected deeply to a need that had not been met; she realized that through
her choices she was reliving the same story over and over. She knew she was
ready to change the story and wanted to create relationships in her life that
were healthy and didn’t mirror the old pain. She was ready to create different
choices in her life. The mare that Jane chose to work with once had anger
issues of her own, she often seems called to work with those who lack a voice
and help them to connect to their inner power free from anger. She is often
called to work with women who have suffered physical or sexual abuse and always
has a powerfully healing affect especially for those suffering from PTSD. This
mare is very powerful; I have posted two pictures of her. She seems to be able
to warp energy as you can see in the second picture. She has done this many
times to pictures. This is a DSLR Camera and it only ever happens on Anna. (I
do know how to use Photoshop but I have not touched this photo, it still gives
me Goosebumps when I see it.)
If you are interested in finding your own voice,
or working on something that has been with you for a very long time to further
your own success in life or in business then contact me directly via this blog or the contacts page at http://www.livingclarity.ca/contact.html
• Walk in the footsteps of a horse and
embrace a Limitless World
• Feel through the heartbeat of a horse and
reclaim yourself
• See through the eyes of a horse and
reclaim your vision
• Soar with the spirit of the horse and
change the world
Cheers,
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