One Woman’s Story in an Equine Facilitated Open Themed Workshop

It seemed to drizzle a cold clumpy rain the entire day during an open themed workshop with a group of women in the fall of 2014. Surprisingly the weather on this day acted as a trigger for one of the women (we will call her Jane to keep her privacy.) It took her back to her childhood, of being cold and wet while her mother dragged her from door to door trying to convert people. Her father once and a while would finally take her into the car and take her shoes off and try to get her feet warm by sticking them in front of the vents on full heat. In the beginning she would voice her needs but eventually after being ignored and never stood up for, she fell silent. Her mother’s choice to convert to JW influenced the rest of her life. On this day it came rushing back all at once while she worked with a young mare named Anunciada, Anna for short. Their work began before they got into the round pen together. Anna paced around the gate, throwing her head, stomping and showing frustration calling out to Jane. Every time Jane would approach she would leave. Jane would wander away and again Anna would stomp and clearly want to Jane to come over.

Once it was time to start her session Anna was brought into the round pen. When Jane approached, Anna would barely let her enter. The dance started anew once Jane was in the center of the pen, Anna would approach, embrace Jane then look away, wander off and come back. So I asked how Jane was feeling and she said she felt frustrated (Anna mirrored this by shaking her head and showing signs of frustration.) Jane just wanted to know what Anna wanted from her. I asked her what she wanted and she said she wanted connection, for people to be there when she needed them, to stop abandoning her. She said she felt angry, I asked her if she had ever voiced her anger before? She said no, I told her to start but she was fearful that Anna would get angry and run her over. We talked a little about how horses value congruency, that it is when we are being incongruent that they feel fear. If we are honest with our anger it is actually a safe space for them as long as we are not physically venting our anger at them. While she was doing this Anna moved around the outside of the ring giving her space and staying with her which she continued to do as Jane finally began to vent her rage. It started quietly at first, but as she gained momentum her voice grew louder and louder until she was screaming her rage at the world. At his point Anna stood watching and waiting, completely focused on Jane in the middle of the circle as she began to say the things she had never said before. Anna dropped her head and released a giant sigh as the woman finally found her voice.

She talked about how she was angry that her father didn’t stand up for his daughter against his crazy wife, how everything, Christmas the snow the cold stopped at the age of five, how it all became meaningless. How she just wanted to be a kid and watch her Saturday morning cartoons and not try to convert people because the world was coming to an end. She was angry that when she finally knew that there was no god and that she needed more then ever, her entire community treated her like she had died. How she had suffered abuse from an elder in that community. How she wants people and men to be with her through the darkness. She kept voicing her anger, until Anna came and nudged her. I told her I agreed with Anna that even though she was giving it a voice she still wasn’t fully engaged, I told her to get the body involved; what would the body do to voice the anger? She was stomping mad in the mud, and then she said I just want people to see me, to witness and be in the mud with me.

            As her anger came to a close she began to let the gates down and sorrow poured out as exhaustion took over. At this point Anna came to the gate and very clearly was trying to pull us into the pen. All of us, the two practitioners and the other women in the workshop followed Anna into the pen. Anna took each one of us, one at a time and placed us around the weeping woman. She re-arranged us until she was happy with where we all were. Anna walked a circle around us all as we laid our hands upon Jane supporting her and keeping her upright. Then Anna came in herself and gently laid her head against Jane’s heart and allowed her to collapse over Anna and hug her face. We all stayed that way until she was finished. When she was ready Anna pulled back and we all broke the connection. Anna came around to each of us to thank us all and then began to walk to the gate. Jane said she didn’t need to put her back as Anna knew where to go; she just wanted to go into the house to warm up as her feet were freezing. Anna did know where to go and she shook her entire body dislodging all the energy she had collected before we put her back with her herd.

            Jane had connected deeply to a need that had not been met; she realized that through her choices she was reliving the same story over and over. She knew she was ready to change the story and wanted to create relationships in her life that were healthy and didn’t mirror the old pain. She was ready to create different choices in her life. The mare that Jane chose to work with once had anger issues of her own, she often seems called to work with those who lack a voice and help them to connect to their inner power free from anger. She is often called to work with women who have suffered physical or sexual abuse and always has a powerfully healing affect especially for those suffering from PTSD. This mare is very powerful; I have posted two pictures of her. She seems to be able to warp energy as you can see in the second picture. She has done this many times to pictures. This is a DSLR Camera and it only ever happens on Anna. (I do know how to use Photoshop but I have not touched this photo, it still gives me Goosebumps when I see it.)

If you are interested in finding your own voice, or working on something that has been with you for a very long time to further your own success in life or in business then contact me directly via this blog or the contacts page at http://www.livingclarity.ca/contact.html 

• Walk in the footsteps of a horse and embrace a Limitless World

• Feel through the heartbeat of a horse and reclaim yourself

• See through the eyes of a horse and reclaim your vision

• Soar with the spirit of the horse and change the world

Cheers,

Charlotte BrammerPsychotherapist . HypnotherapistEquine Assisted Therapist . Reiki MasterLiving Clarity

Procrastination Based on Anxiety is a Whole Different Kettle of Fish

What is Anxiety?

There are only so many topics to speak about when it comes to behavioral patterns in humans including a few biggies that people love to come back to. Procrastination is one of them. There are so many tools, blogs, vlogs, books, shows and programs to help you stop procrastinating and start getting your work done; but rarely do we ever address the fear and anxiety that simmers underneath. Procrastination that is born from anxiety is a different kind of procrastination then just being to ‘lazy,’ or wanting to do something else rather then get to work. Anxiety is also very different from healthy fear, and very different from that intuitive feeling of something isn’t right here. Anxiety is one of the most pervasively felt emotions and yet it is also the emotion that we most often deny and avoid. For those of us who suffer from an anxiety disorder, or have had an acute case of anxiety at some point in out lives anxiety can no longer be pushed under the rug.

Anxiety is almost like the fear experience got stuck in the on position in the brain and NEVER GOES AWAY. Sure it can sometimes be manageable, you have good days but sometimes it is awful. Anxiety when intensified can lead to debilitating panic attacks. On the less severe side it can create a few outcomes. The first is creating a need for ‘busy making,’ this is when we are driven to continually fill our time with tasks to accomplish but we never actually seem to make headway in creating true change. The second is complete avoidance and paralysis of movement in life when the anxiety gets really bad. The third is isolation. Normally we swing back and forth between over activity and under activity when it comes to anxiety. This is in no way a complete list of how anxiety can manifest in behavior.

Anxiety, Depression, OCD and A Shrinking World of Experience

            We take part in these behaviors for different reasons. Busy making is safe; it keeps our minds busy and away from the discomfort of our anxiety and especially away from doing things that will create change. Change is extremely scary for anyone but with those who experience anxiety it is often terror inducing. Anxiety increases as you move into unknown territory and so busy making not only lets you ignore the sensations for a while but it also allows you to avoid escalation by stepping out of the safe zone. Complete avoidance and paralysis is when we can’t take it and so check out. This can be done in many ways, reading, TV, sleeping, videogames, drinking and other intoxicants. I used to vent my own anxiety doing many of these things including having a small addiction to Ebay. We isolate mostly because the idea of going out into public makes our anxiety huff and so we cancel plans, stay in, stay safe and don’t let others know why. We feel more and more alone as our isolating drives people to frustration; anger and eventually they fall away. The name of the game for anxiety is avoidance and control. Avoidance unfortunately doesn’t work in the long run, take it from me. Our worlds become smaller and smaller and smaller as we avoid, then trying to step outside of our shrinking worlds again creates more anxiety. This eventually leads to depression, a side affect of anxiety disorders that is deeply tied to the experience.

            We see other people, friends, and people in movies who are living their lives seemingly fearless or completely free of the continually shrinking isolation we find ourselves in, and we yearn for it! We yearn for the types of relationships that involve true vulnerability but in our anxiety we can’t be vulnerable because we already feel like an open wound. It is also a bit overwhelming to have to fulfill the needs of another while in this state. We desire so much to live the lives we dream of; but we have a hard time even admitting what we want because then we feel like we will need to create it which is out of the question. Often time’s pervasive anxiety and depression will be accompanied by varying levels of OCD. We develop OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) in a bid to finally control what little world we have left to us. We do this in hopes that if we can control things, then how we feel will finally be over. All in all this paints a very bleak picture. For some anxiety is a part of their life experience from childhood, for others it begins at some point in their lives. There is an increasing trend of anxiety for those in their early to mid 20’s. You are not alone.

The Slow Climb Out, Reclaiming Your Life Experience

Learning how to slowly and safely increase your scope of experience will be a huge part in learning to overcome anxiety. It will never really be comfortable but feeling the anxiety and doing it anyway, to slightly change that famous catch phrase, will be the only way to take back your life. Finding a supportive group of people that is small that you can meet for at least twice a month, if not once a week in the beginning will be the greatest gift you can give yourself. In this group you can help each other to continually own and speak your desires and encourage and motivate each other to keep going. Finding a therapist or therapeutic service that can help you clear out the negative belief systems that feed into and contribute to your anxiety will also be extremely time saving and helpful. The more you can do to stack the odds in your favor the more success you are likely to have. Perseverance, courage and forgiveness along with mourning will all be required to finally move forward. Meditation practices and awareness exercises will also be helpful along with spending time in nature. All of these tools have an innate ability to drastically lessen anxiety when we are connected to something greater then ourselves and fully in the moment. That is why horses have such an amazing affect on anxiety disorders. They completely engage us in the moment. With each thing you take back, with each new thing you create you will feel better and better. The anxiety will not look so big and the more you challenge it the more you will be able to do.

Anxiety is a very deeply entrenched neural pathway that unfortunately has told us that 1. We will always feel this way and 2. That while we feel this way we will always be stuck. Neural pathways can be changed and we are only ever stuck when we make the choice to say no instead of yes. (As a side I mean to say yes to healthy situations, sometimes saying no is absolutely necessary to keep us safe.) The more you practice states free of anxiety the less entrenched the anxiety will be. For a lot of us we need to hit absolute rock bottom before we can find the courage to start climbing free of the suffocation we experience every day. For those who are just in the beginning stages of increasing anxiety, stop letting your world shrink now. The more you succumb the longer the climb out. Take it from me it can be done. The above tools all helped to save my life; you just have to find your own formula of success.

Check out http://www.livingclarity.ca to find services such as Psychotherapy Equine Facilitated Therapy and Equine Workshops for more information and tools to help you overcome your own anxiety.

Please share your own experiences or questions below

Cheers

Charlotte Brammer

Psychotherapist . Hypnotherapist

Equine Assisted Therapist . Reiki Master

Living Clarity