How to Successfully Choose a Therapist

With so many different kinds of disciplines within the therapy field, and not to mention the multitude of practitioners practicing in these various fields it can be a daunting thing to find someone who you will be able to fit well with and can help you without wasting a lot of time and money. In this blog I will give you tips and tools to help you easily find a health professional that will complement you and be truly effective, providing you exactly the service you want for the money you spend.

Before you even begin to look at various websites, phonebooks, or different networks that health professionals advertise in, the process begins at home with you. The following is the top 8 questions you need to ask yourself so you can know what kind of professional / person you want to hire, and the actual healing modality you wish to use, whether mainstream medicine, Holistic to Natural Healing.

Top 8 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Locating a Therapist

1. What area specifically in your life are you looking to get help with? Or in other words what are your goals, why are you seeking out help in the first place?
2. Are these goals mostly emotional, physical, mental, or spiritual, or do they pertain more to making external changes in your life?
3. Are you going to be more or less comfortable with a male or female practitioner?
4. What qualities are you looking for in a practitioner, example compassionate, listens well, doesn’t spend the whole time writing in a notebook, challenges your thinking etc.
5. Do you prefer a client oriented organic session, or something with more structure (client led versus practitioner led)?
6. Do you want to talk and do experiential exercises or do wish to learn about tools and techniques and theories in your sessions, or both?
7. If you had to do a map of your entire life at this time, and rate how happy, successful, harmonious, or alternately the opposites of that, unhappy, stressful and chaotic all the different aspects are what would you find?
8. Now looking at your entire life, do you have over all balance between the different aspects or are some things getting way to much of your energy and others hardly any?

From the above questions you not only now understand exactly what you are looking for and need, you can now decide from that information what kind of healing modality are you looking for. Examples: nutritional, fitness, spiritual, therapy oriented, Equine Assisted Therapy, holistic or alternative, hypnotherapy etc. If you have to it is easy enough to Google the different kinds of modalities and see which fits the best with your needs. If you find you are looking for therapy then keep reading the rest of this blog. The above questions are also very beneficial for the therapist, as they will greatly speed up the intake process and allow the practitioner to know exactly what you want.

 The following questions may take a little research or thought on your part but they are very important and will help you to decide what kind of therapy modality you are looking for.

Top 3 Questions to Ask When Choosing a Field of Therapy

1. What kind of therapist are you looking for, Psychotherapist, Psychiatrist, Psychologist, life coach etc.?
2. What field of therapy do you most resonate with? Why? Example, gestalt therapy, spiritual direction, Freudian, or do you wish for a more natural and holistic approach where the focus is on discovering your true self and integrating and balancing your entire life?
3. Of the fields you find intriguing do you resonate with the base theories of why you are experiencing trouble and how they can help?

Now you have a base to interview each individual practitioner. You can do this process over the phone, or during the consultation session, some practitioners will even meet you for coffee and chat. Websites, and blogs that these practitioners write and run will also be greatly beneficial to browse through. They can help you to understand what services they offer and get a feel for who the practitioner is, their beliefs and ideas and the style of therapy they use (not to mention if they are competent). The longer they have been writing a blog the more you will be able to see their own personal and professional evolution. Keep in mind that some practitioners offering consultations sessions charge while others offer the session for free. Here is a list of the top 10 questions you should ask when interviewing a practitioner excluding the all-important question of price and whether their service is covered by health insurance of government funding!

Top 10 Questions to Ask a Potential Practitioner 

1. What are the guiding principles you work by?
2. What area within the therapy field are you best at or most passionate about?
3. What of these areas do you find you are best at: emotional, mental, physical, spiritual, or life coach/ motivator (making external changes)?
4. What are your views on the patient therapist relationship and how do you run a session?
5. What kinds of issues do you find yourself working on most with your clients at this time? (Can be a great way to gauge what the therapist is themselves working on, as often as practitioners we get clients who’s goals, needs and blocks mirror our own) It can also be a representation of their particular niche or expertise, as clients will be drawn to work with a practitioner who offers what they are looking for.
6. How do you differ from other practitioners in your field?
7. What attracted you to practice this modality and has that attraction changed over the years? You can also ask do you enjoy what you do?
8. Is what you offer going to allow me to use the tools and techniques so that I can eventually be self sufficient, in other words am I going to be able to make my life better on my own, and how will you service achieve this? (If the answer is no, walk away!)
9. How long have you been practicing?
10. What licensing or degrees do you have and where did you get them?

Not every practitioner will be able to answer all of the questions especially if they are fairly new to the field as it takes time and experience to get to know themselves, their practice and how their own beliefs, experiences, lessons and learning’s will factor into the services they offer. In other words don’t rule out someone just because they could only answer 4 or 5 of the questions; the main goal in asking these questions is to see if what the practitioner offers matches what you need, as that is what you are purchasing.

Also try to keep in mind how you are feeling and what your instincts are telling you through this process and while around this practitioner. If the practitioners values and practice match what you are looking for but you find yourself feeling uncomfortable with this person, then the time you spend in session will be greatly unsuccessful. A healthy practitioner client relationship has to be based on trust; if you can’t be vulnerable then you can’t share important details that will allow you to create change in your life. Once you go through and finish this process you should have enough information to make an informed choice if this practitioner is right for you or not. Ultimately the reasons we all seek out help differ; the basic foundation of getting our needs successfully met and not wasting our money remains the same to all of us.

Good luck!! Please share your thoughts below

Charlotte Brammer

How to Break the Pattern of Unfulfilling Relationships

So often in relationships we fail to see the patterns that repeat, keeping us feeling frustrated or stuck in the same unfulfilled and unsatisfying relationships over and over again. The faces change and yet we feel like we are with the same people, the same friends, the same romantic interest. We often don't notice this until after the relationship degrades and then we look back and go why do I keep being attracted to the same arshole (I use that term gender neutrally) or alternatively why can't I find a group of friends who are..... Instead of..... You can fill in the blanks. A rather large part of building a life is the company we fill it with; how healthy these relationships are will either create joy or stress in our lives. Some people are a part of our lives regardless, such as family. Family often provide us with the largest challenges and are also the people we can learn and grow from the most. Our current internal landscape was in large part influenced by those we grew up with.

Once we work through the steps of clearing out the old and create a new vision of what we desire, we can find our footing, reclaim our basic boundaries and use discernment in our choices. In this blog we will discuss friends and romantic interests. While most of this blog is applicable to family of origin (F.of.O) (the people we grew up with) there is so much more intricacy to F.of.O that it will be its own individual blog. For example just cutting family out of our lives may not be a possibility and we may not want to sever that bond completely, whereas with a spurned lover or a friend that violated our trust intimately severing those relationships may be the best thing.

The Visioning Process

A big part of the visioning process is visioning the people we wish to have in our lives. The kind of family we want, the kind of community, the kind of friend group that has complete faith and trust in you and your vision moving forward. This also includes the kinds of animals you wish to be around. Animals are often a forgotten piece of this puzzle, they are such a normal part of life that we often forget that they are beings in and of themselves with intelligence and emotional lives. Make sure if they are part of your vision that you fully understand the commitment that is required before making them a part of your life.

•  Take a moment right now and define what a healthy relationships is. Don't necessarily label it only friend relationship or romantic relationship, while there are physical differences in the relationships the basic foundation of human interaction and connection remain the same.

            Trying to figure out what a healthy relationship is can be a very daunting and a tricky process. From our parents to the media, a healthy relationship can be scarce found especially in our current society, and so trying to define something that few have seen is a hard task. There are healthy elements of relationships out there so pick and choose among those you know and the experiences you have had that resonate with you.

Defining Your Current Relationship Landscape

Once you have a general idea what a healthy relationship is we can begin to look at how far your current relationships fall short. Time to take out the paper and pen or the keyboard once more.

• Define your current relationships by summarizing how you feel about them and utilizing a few words to describe them. Are they helpful, joyous and spontaneous or are they one sided, frustrating and isolating? Do they encourage you, or hold you back? Etc.
•  Look back over past relationships with friends, family or romantic interests. What are the patterns? Were there certain emotions that you felt most of the time? Were there certain fights that happen over and over? Which boundaries did they cross and which did you cross that you can see happening over multiple relationships? Were there certain things that happen over and over? Do the endings of relationships ever seem to be the same or run along the same currents and events?
• What are similar red flags that you can see over and over again in the beginnings of relationships? (This means a hint that the person you are beginning the relationship with will eventually fulfill the same unhealthy pattern again. For example say your pattern is emotionally unavailable significant others, some red flags may be their inability to tell you things when they are upset, or never asking anything about you, or on an internal level never feelings safe in the relationship)
• What are unhealthy beliefs that you have about relationships? What are the fairy tales? This last one can be hard because how do we know which of our beliefs are healthy and which are unhealthy. Start with which beliefs limit possibilities and which just don't feel right. Then move onto and question them all, to simply believe something means to stop questioning it and this leads to stagnation and lack of growth.

Figuring our Your Own Internal Landscape

Once you define your patterns and create a clear picture of what your current relationships look like it is time to figure out exactly where you stand. Where you need to do work and where you need to be more discerning. If you have trust issues and this leads you to being over controlling, start fights for no reason or feel like you have to check up on your intimate partner, or even your friends then that is something that you will have to heal. A lot of the crap that happens in our relationships is actually happening unfortunately because we allow it to happen. If you find the people around you abusing your goodwill and being disrespectful it is because you are allowing them to. If you speak up and they still don't change then you need to make the hard choice to not have them in your life in whatever capacity this ends up looking like, if they do change then great. That is the difference between healing and using your discernment. Learning to speak up is something you can do to heal the gap, seeing when someone really is just an arshole and choosing not to have him or her in your life is using your discernment.

• What are some of the patterns that come from you in relationships?
• What are the qualities in others that you admire the most? Can you learn to cultivate them within   yourself?
• Finally in all the patterns that you found from earlier what part did you play? What will you need to heal to stop the pattern and how can create different choices?

Using Your Power and Discernment

            Using your discernment can also come in handy when you need to decide who is safe in your life to open up to and be vulnerable with. If you open up to someone who is emotionally unavailable you will end up hurt, which will unfortunately just reinforce the unhealthy belief that being vulnerable and sharing yourself with anyone is dangerous. It is only dangerous with the wrong people. Take out pen and paper or keyboard and answer the following questions.

• How do you deserve and demand to be treated
• What qualities do you require from friends or from a romantic partner that are non-negotiable (deal breakers)
• I know the fabled make a list of qualities for your dream friend, or dream partner is sometimes scoffed at, but do it anyway. Now that it is complete look it over, how many are expectations that are to high and are setting you up for failure. Alternatively are they not high enough and will continue to let you choose arsholes in your life. How many of the qualities can you check off for yourself? If financial stability is a quality you desire in a partner, are you financially stable? (Get to work ;) )
• What are your own values, hopes and dreams

            Once you finish the questions and get a good sense of what needs to change you can begin to implement what you've learned into your life. It takes time, patience and practice to stand for what you want and to stop repeating patterns that you have had all your life. Like any habit it can be broken and you can have the relationships you desire and deserve. In order to do this you need to know where you are, where you want to move to, what is in the way and how to heal those blocks to let you move from where you are to your new vision.

The Services That Can Help

There are many services that can help support you through this transition including psychotherapy, life coaching, Hypnotherapy and even Homeopathy. If you desire to create new relationships, with valentines day fast approaching and relationships on the forefront of societies mind, then check out this months Equine Workshop -  How To Create Fulfilling Relationships.

Click Here to find out more

Cheers

Charlotte Brammer

My Trip to Sedona Arizona – Finding My Own Key To Success

A Beginning

While I am always somewhat anxious about going on a plane, I was never the less extremely excited to go to Sedona Arizona after the holiday season was over. I was very excited to explore the vortexes and see the haunting beauty of this very unique section of desert. As we drove in from Phoenix after landing you couldn’t’ see much as we happened to arrive in a complete blizzard which whited out the normally red landscape. It was the largest amounts of snow fall in many years and while it obscured our initial view it was still pretty amazing to be experiencing something that only few will see. As you cross through and over the large mountain range that separates Phoenix and Sedona the landscape undergoes drastic transformations. From my seat in the truck you could see small cacti, shrub, trees and an occasionally, I was told, an imported Palm or three. Phoenix itself was clear, the storm had already moved through but as we rose in elevation the storm thickened around us obscuring the landscape all but for a few meters off the road. Eventually the cacti no longer grew, they were replaced by juniper and other stunted trees that littered the landscape along the highways. We came through the other side and began our long downgrade to another valley that led us closer to where we were staying.

An Emerging Vivid Landscape

Even thought the storm blocked everything from view, it didn’t obscure the overwhelming sense of vibrating energy that hit like a soft wall, which to me I felt like my legs were humming from the inside out, as we crossed through a crag and emerged out into the Sedona Valley and finally entered Oak Creek. Oak creek is a small community that lives along a strip of road lined with small businesses. The people are extremely nice and were very welcoming to us. We arrived in the dark and so we didn’t get to see the splendor until the next morning. We woke to see the landscape in such contrast that it was beautiful. The deep, rich reds, covered and blanketed in the stark, unmarred white of the snow, the sky seemed so blue it hurt to look at and the tops of the red rocks were blanketed in a sea of low laying clouds that churned and twirled as they caressed the rock faces and the juniper and pear cacti that grew along their tops. Pear cacti were abundant and seemed to be one of the few cacti that still had a firm foothold in the region. That first day I went on a trail up through the backcountry towards the very famous bell rock where I managed to capture some pretty spectacular and rare photos of a landscape that normally does not know thick snow. I also managed to capture some pretty intense soakers as I slogged back down the highway towards home. We as a family joked that after our brown Christmas we flew on a five-hour flight with a toddler just to see snow in the desert.

The Artists Way

As the trip progressed I was also working through a 12-week course known as ‘The Artists Way’ by Julia Cameron. I could write an entire blog just about that experience but for now it had inspired me to play with photography and to embrace the part of me that loves exploration and adventure through trails and hiking. I tried as best I could to meditate daily I managed to do my morning pages almost every day. Morning pages are one of the tools of The Artists Way course that you do each morning as a way to tune into and listen to ones self. I find them truly effective and illuminating. This trip along with confirming once more my disdain for power tourism also taught me many other things. I could go into great detail about the amazing places I visited and the amazing things I saw, from the Grand Canyon, which takes your breath away and defies your best efforts to comprehend it to driving from Arizona to Nevada and exploring the Las Vegas Strip on a Saturday night, with a brief stop over at the Hoover Damn. I will instead try to stay on topic.

Bell Rock and Twisted Trees

By far one of the few things I loved the most was hiking on the trails that are dappled over the landscape everywhere in Sedona as it is located in the Coconino National Forest. They take you all over the valley and up to and sometimes on the great red rocks. I spent time on their trails and visited a few of the vortexes. One of the things I miss about Sedona was the smell; when I was out on the path to Bell Rock I would notice how clean, how crisp the air was. It was perfumed with Juniper and smelled like fire pit and fired clay. When we returned from our cross-country drive a half-week into our trip the weather had returned more to normal and we were enjoying 18 degree Celsius days. The snow had departed except in areas where the deep shade never left and I was often stunned at just how red the soil was and would watch as it changed shades with the movement of the day. On one of my hikes I climbed half way up bell rock and was again able to take some pretty amazing pictures along the way and of the valley floor below me. The first time I climbed I not only found a waterfall flowing under a cascade of ice but I was amazed at how strong the energies were and I actually had to sit down because it felt like I would begin to fly off the ground. The entire valley had a very different and uplifting energy to it and I have never slept so well in my entire life.

Keys to Clarity

Which brings me finally to some of the things I discovered on my trip. I noticed being back with my family of origin just how true it is that old dynamics, which we associate with our family member, have a hard time remaining when we ourselves are no longer being our old selves. Some of my family members were having a hard time with one another; I on the other hand didn’t notice the interactions degrading when it came to those I personally shared with them. I realized I didn’t notice them being their regular old selves because I had at no time become the old “Charlotte.” While I had known this all along I had never been able to, for 9 days straight, choose not to participate in old dynamics. While I meditated on bell rock among the twisted trees in the very corona of the vortex I also felt how easy it was to completely let go of the weight that I would carry and the barriers I held within myself. At first I attributed this to where I was but then as I continued walking I realized that that had nothing to do with it, the vortex was a catalyst in that my mind viewed it as a tool for transformation but the ability was never outside of myself and never required some special kind of tool or energy. I again saw with such vivid clarity how simple things are and how hard we make things for ourselves. I truly miss Sedona Arizona, from the trail to as I will always know it ‘Old Sedona’ where the shopping district is. During this trip I finally found the key to unlocking my true potential for visioning and creating the life I have been dreaming of and since I’ve been back things have been moving at a remarkable speed. I am excited and grateful. If I could, I would take people there on retreats because it is one of the truly spectacular places that I have ever been.

In Spirit of this check out my new courses Click Here

~ Charlotte Brammer