These are all questions I have been asked, have been asking myself
or have been reading about other people asking for a while now. They are loaded
questions, and their answers are varied taking definitive sides within society.
There is the capitalist view of success, which is that of making your way to
the top and creating a vast net worth; the accumulation of things which are
given a value based on their monitory cost which is valued on your ‘sweat
equity’. There is the new age movement which defines success as the opposite;
turning away from materialistic gains and instead reaching for high levels of
spiritual attainment and being of service within the community and grander
world. Very often we also associate our
own success with our own intrinsic value. The dictionary defines success as:
Suc·cess - Noun
· ~The accomplishment of an aim or
purpose, the favorable prosperous termination of attempts or endeavours
· ~ The attainment of popularity,
profit, wealth, position, honors
· ~ A person or thing that achieves
a desired aim or attains prosperity
Value – Noun
· ~ Relative worth, merit, or
importance
· ~ Monetary or material worth, as
in commerce or trade
· ~ The worth of something in terms
of the amount of other things for which it can be exchanged or in terms of some
medium of exchange
· ~ Equivalent worth or return of
money, material, services etc.
It seems that both have to do mostly with
external gain or accumulation, through external doing and action. Which fits a
lot of how we as a culture and society define our success in life and then from
that our own worth and value. I personally have a problem with these limited
definitions, and I personally feel that both the capitalist and new age
versions are to one sided. At this point it might be worth it to look at why
the answers to these questions are important and so basically why you should
keep reading. Well firstly we base our self worth and our personal value on our
definition of success and from there our happiness and fulfillment in life. Not
only this but so does society and people within our social network. I recently
watched a vlog (You can find the link on the bottom of this blog) on the simple
and yet negative question “so what do you do?” and how the answer to that
question immediately provides you with a value to those around you making you a
part of the conversation or quickly leaving you alone at the punch bowl.
All of this can
create vastly negative and devastating emotional outcomes, or leave you feeling
like a success and happy (so long as the definitions provided actually match up
with your internal ones.) This leads into the other reason this is important.
If we base our intrinsic self worth, happiness and fulfillment in life on our
definitions, then we need to know what they are and if our direction, actions
and creations actually harmonize with them. In the end if you value spending
time with family over making billions of dollars then at the end of the day
those billions won’t give you the same fulfillment that spending time with
family will. We have a finite number of years to live on this planet, with the
people that make it worth living and so knowing what we actually value, or what
is of value to ourselves will allow us to live with purpose, allowing us to be more
fulfilled then just following the status quo would. It will help us to chose
what to spend our limited time on, who to spend it with, and where we spend our
money.
What are the current definitions of value and success that you are
basing your choices on?
I feel that the
current definition falls short because: 1. It is only based on the external,
and 2. It only deals with the accumulation of goods, money or fame. There is so
much more to our experience as human beings. There is our internal world that
is made up of thoughts, emotions and physical sensations. If our minds are
negative, our emotions are turbulent and our bodies in pain then no amount of
money or fame will allow us to have peace, health and joy. We need to work on
our internal state in order to do this. In the external world there is so much
more then just the previous mentioned gains, what about what it feels like when
we reach out and pass it forward helping others and being there for the ones we
care about.
There is also self-expression and or
creativity, or what about pass-times hobbies and down time. What if my passion
doesn’t fit in with the capitalist view of success, can I accept that and find
true happiness doing what I love rather then making billions in a company that
may or may not act like a sociopath. Or what if I really want to make billions
and that makes me happy. The world and society needs different people to
fulfill all the varied roles that make our economy work. Or what if I really
enjoy having good teas, warm blankets, video games and dinner parties, can I be
ok with the fact that sometimes material things bring small comforts and joys
rather then living like a monk in the ‘new age’ way; or alternatively if I
value simplicity then I can stop wasting my money on things I don’t need just
to gain acceptance? Or can I even find a happy in between that fits me
personally. Each of us is unique; each of us values things differently and on
different scales. Knowing our own unique make up of values and our own
definitions of success will allow us to meet our own needs and create
fulfilling lives on our own terms. It will also allow us to stop putting a
value on individuals based on where they fit into the current system and
instead will allow us to appreciate them for their own unique fit, their own
unique gifts within the broader world because not everyone can be a CEO or a
lawyer and the artist, the dog groomer and the cashier are just as worthy of
happiness, fulfillment, respect and joy especially if they are doing what they
are passionate about.
· ~ What is of value to you?
· ~ What is of value to you in your
internal state?
· ~ What is of value to you in the
external world?
· ~ How do you feel about material
possessions, do you value simplicity or do you value luxury? (Neither is good
or bad, they just are. I say this because there is a lot of judgment around
this at least there was within myself. For those who value simplicity then that
is great, but for those who value luxury that is great too because you are
helping the carpenter who loves to carve luxurious and beautiful furniture to
make a living etc. All ways of living have benefits so long as you aren’t
harming another)
· ~ What is your value on money, do
you want only enough to live simply, live easily, live securely or do you want
to create vast sums of money.
· ~ You get the idea now keep
going.
Once you answer both sets of questions you
can see where your current choices fall short of your actual values; this will
allow you to see where you need to make changes in your life. It will also allow
you to see where you are currently already having success, and having joy and
allow you to take pleasure in it. Finding what you value and your definition of
success allows you to know what you really want. In this way we can create a
society of self actualized, happy and fulfilled people that appreciate the
entire scale of potential and value people on themselves rather then on what
they do, what they own, or how much money they currently have. It will allow us
to live on our own terms fulfilled without the should’s, the guilt, the shame
of not fitting in and living up to the standards set by the great and powerful
‘them.’ The idea of ‘they’ or ‘them’ is always funny to me as ‘they’ and ‘them’
is really us holding onto and believing in the status quo. So redefine it for
yourself and live happy.
Cheers
Charlotte Brammer
http://www.upworthy.com/a-kinda-snobby-question-you-need-to-stop-asking-when-you-first-meet-someone?g=2&c=ufb1
