Keeping Perspective. 5 Tips to Help Create New Habits and Enforce Positive Change

It is of utmost importance when we are trying to create positive change and build new habits that we maintain a sense of perspective. It can be so easy to become distracted, move into anxiety and stress from the simplest of stimuli. Once this happens we begin to drive around inside our bodies on autopilot, and once we are on autopilot we become reactive rather then conscious. The problem is that our reactivity stems from outdated belief systems, the very belief systems we are trying to change in the first place. Let’s take a moment here to explore this farther and why this is so. When we are born we are perhaps preprogrammed on some level to have certain traits but we are not born with specific mindsets.

We learn things in three main ways as we grow.

1.     We are handed the belief down through verbal tutoring.

2.     We misinterpret confusing actions, such as anger from a parent when we are having fun.

3.     We create a fantasy, or assumption and then believe it to be true.

This is called an initial sensitizing event, it creates a specific belief system about who we are and or what the world is like. It becomes the basis for our choices.

Diagram created by Charlotte Brammer

After using these beliefs for many years they start to become unconscious, we don’t even realize why we are doing or feeling things.

As the above diagram shows after the initial belief is created it is accompanied by an emotional reaction, which translates into how we physically show up in the world. This becomes our internal landscape; all our choices and behaviors are filtered through this internal landscape now and often create the very outcomes that prove the initial belief in the first place. As a simple example: if we are told as children we will never succeed then through our actions, reactions and choices we will often create self fulfilling prophecies that create our lack of success. After using these beliefs for many years they start to become unconscious, we don’t even realize why we are doing or feeling things. We can’t see why our outcomes and stories seem to repeat over and over again.

When we are on our journey of returning to wholeness it becomes imperative to bring ourselves back to a state of awareness rather then autopilot. Any change that we are trying to create will need us to keep a sense of perspective, whether that perspective is on the big picture or on a new way of seeing / feeling things. Another way of thinking of this, if you drive in the same place on a dirt road over and over you eventually make deep ruts. It becomes very hard to get out of these ruts. As we look back over our unconscious patterns and dynamics and start creating new healthy belief systems, choices, behaviors and outcomes we start driving on a totally new section of the dirt road. When we loose perspective we swerve and end up back in ruts. To create a new habit we must use the new section of the road until the old ruts fill in over time and we create new healthier ruts. These are also known as neural pathways.

            So how we can stack the odds in our favor as we clear out unhelpful old patterns and create new higher quality outcomes?

Tip Number 1. Mindfulness 

Mindfulness techniques can help us retrain our consciousness to stay more aware of the present moment. In the present moment we can start to become aware of the internal pulls of our preprogramed patterns that have created our current circumstances. Once we have done this training it will be much easier to notice when we have lost our perspective on things and have fallen back into autopilot.

Before you start your mindfulness practice make sure to read my blog What You Need toKnow About Mindfulness Before You Start Your Practice - 5 Easy steps to Integrate Mindfulness into Everyday Life Safely andEffectively

Tip Number 2.  Reminders

I find personally that once I have done the work to heal outdated patterns and dynamics and have created a new way of relating to myself and the world that it often helps me to use an object that is small enough to carry with me to help remind me of the new perspective I am trying to integrate into my life. You can use any object that is suitable as long as you will be able to see it often. Each time you catch sight of it, carry it, touch it or play with allow it to remind you about what you are trying to create. Feel that creation as vividly as you can and see the ripple effects it might create in your life. For example if you realize you can be a success and you feel empowered how might that change the behaviors and outcomes in your life?

Tip Number 3. Compassion

In the times where you slip, where you loose perspective and you find yourself reliving old dynamics, feelings and stories don’t fall into the trap of beating yourself up and letting the inner critic kick you when you are down. Instead take a moment to breath, give yourself a hug. Allow the feelings of frustration to flow through you to completion and then feel the gratitude that you were able to catch the autopilot and bring yourself back to the new perspective. The more you practice this dance the easier it will become to notice when you wander and to bring yourself back. Forgive yourself.

Tip Number 4. Notice Both Fear and Resistance

Part of creating new patterns and creating change is fear and along with it internal resistance. This is perfectly normal especially when we are just getting our feat wet and learning the process. The tip here is to breath, feel the fear and do it anyway. If there is one thing I have learned is that there is always a way and that everything can be figured out with the right attitude and an open mind.

            With internal resistance it will become a great opportunity to try and understand where it is stemming from and to move through it a lot like the outdated belief systems that we are trying to change in the first place.

Tip Number 5. Trust Your Vision and Your Intuition 

In the beginning when you are on your journey to learning who you really are and what the world is really like it can be hard to trust your intuition or to even know what that is. With time it will become easier to recognize. Intuition is a big part of our dreams, our vision of what could be possible if only we had the courage to try. There is a difference inside when something feels right and something feels off. These sensations start to become our inner compass, the driving force behind the inspiration in our lives.

            There is nothing better to help us keep perspective then if we have a vision of what we are trying to create. This vision is something we can hold with us, to create sacred space for it to germinate and manifest. This vision might be as grand as the world or only a small part of our lives. It does not matter the size of the vision only how it makes us feel how real it is to us. If our visions are strong enough then they become worth taking risks and facing our fears, and our intuitions will kick into high gear as we learn to navigate the world of positive change.

Charlotte Brammer

Psychotherapist, Hypnotherapist

Equine Assisted Therapist

What You Need to Know About Mindfulness Before You Start Your Practice

- 5 Easy steps to Integrate Mindfulness into Everyday Life Safely and Effectively

There is a growing trend of mindfulness apps, retreats, workshops, guided visualization CD’s and the like along with a plethora of self help books and blogs on how to do mindfulness. What isn’t being talked about is the self discovery process and what this means for those who have a harder time coping inside their own bodies or dealing with repressed emotions or trauma. Lets start by assuming that you haven’t played with mindfulness yet perhaps you just started. There are three possible outcomes:

1.     The technique that you used brought the desired peace and calm you were going for.

2.     The technique brought up discomfort or, if you had an extreme experience perhaps even panic or a feeling of dying.

3.     Nothing.

Let’s stop and look at what mindfulness is really doing. Mindfulness is a term that we use to describe a state of awareness where we recognize all the different aspects of the now and how we experience it. There are two parts to the now, the internal and the external world. They are continually interchanging information and for the most part this happens automatically and without much awareness otherwise known as being on autopilot. When we begin to become mindful what we are doing is illuminating this interplay between the internal and external world interacting in the present moment. For those who haven’t spent a lot of time on introspection, (self-examination,) then much of the information they uncover will be extremely new. For those who have gone through therapy of any kind they have already begun to look at their internal and external worlds to find disharmony and have taken steps to change and create flow.

The Benefits of a Holistic Mindfulness Approach

Having a mindfulness practice when used with support and in a positive healthy way has many benefits. It can allow us to create pockets of space in our days where we can relax and completely let go of anxieties and worry. It can allow us to de-stress, find more freedom and mental clarity. It can help us to illuminate unhealthy choices, behaviors and beliefs that keep us stuck in less then favorable circumstances. It will allow us to have more energy, motivation, and healthy boundaries, better relationships; well you get the idea. Mindfulness has so many benefits because it allows us to create change in whatever way we need it, it allows us to illuminate the things that are no longer working and to let go of things in our lives that are hemorrhaging our energy.

It will allow us to have more energy, motivation, and healthy boundaries, better relationships; well you get the idea.

            Mindfulness also allows us to finally, once and for all let go of the crazy mind chatter that seems for most of us to be overwhelmingly negative or fearful. Imagine how much more energy you will have in your life without the constant dialogue in your head.

Why Mindfulness Works

Mindfulness practice works because as I mentioned earlier it allows us to create change. The formula of change is fairly simple.

1.    Awareness – Something is no longer working

·      Work through internal blocks, gain clarity of situation

2.    Awareness – Lacking something to move to

·      Exploration of wants, why’s and needs

3.    Awareness – Of where we want to move to (To Be)

·      Moving Towards (the middle bit, taking the physical steps to create)

4.    Awareness – Completed the Change and in ‘New Way’

·      Complete Release of ‘Old Way’

Normally to create change we stumble around a bunch, take steps forwards and back and eventually we get somewhere, hopefully. We normally don’t truly understand how this stuff happens, we just say man my hard work and or luck paid off. In reality if you can become aware of the formula of change and then consciously move through it you will be able to create change easily and quickly provided there isn’t a huge wall of resistance within keeping you from doing so. In order to be able to transcend autopilot and move through the formula of change we will need to:

1.    Become aware of the present moment

2.    We must gain clarity and understand what we have become aware of

3.    Move through the Formula of Beneficial change

So you see everything starts with awareness, which is another way of saying mindfulness. Normally mindfulness is sold as a way to relieve stress, create more joy in life etc. While it can do these things, this definition falls so short of what Mindfulness is actually capable of cultivating for you. It is also skimming over the risks of starting a mindfulness practice. Lets look at some of those now.

The Risks of Mindfulness

Mindfulness because of what it is puts us in touch with our internal landscapes, our internal world. The internal world is made up of:

1.     Physical sensations

2.     Emotional sensations

3.     Mental sensations

4.     Spiritual sensations

5.     Integration sensations – how the previous 4 interact to create the present version of you.

For those who have spent a great deal of their lives living in their minds, out of touch with their bodies, emotions and dreams, coming back in touch can be uncomfortable to downright terrifying. It can get even worse if there were trauma’s present that haven’t been integrated and healed. This means that as you start your practice you may experience sensations in the body that you weren’t used to, it can be very hard to get comfortable with the body and all the physical information that it processes. Some people may feel like hypochondriacs or to the extreme have panic attacks over small sensations that they don’t understand.

Emotionally it can be very unsettling to all of the sudden become aware of intense levels of emotion and have no way to cope or process them. Sudden burst of anger or sadness, anxiety’s for no reason, feelings of dread or excitement can leave us feeling off kilter.

It can also be hard to see if the lives we created don’t actually resonate with what we truly want inside. This can lead to an identity or life crisis in which now that we have assess what we really want; are going to settle for what we have and the resentment, depression or other emotions that come along with that, or take huge risks and change everything up?

Mindfulness can also access trauma. Mindfulness gets things moving, brings them to the light so that you can heal them and become whole. If there were traumatic events that were repressed into the body they can begin to come to the light which can be extremely uncomfortable if not supported and worked through with a trained trauma councilor.

            All of this means that it will be necessary to find the right teachers, therapists and communities to make sure that your journey back to wholeness can be done safely and with love and support. Mindfulness has so many benefits but only if we use it with the right amount of support. Like anything else that we learn in life it takes practice, patience, a willingness to get dirty and wade through the mud to get the clear waters on the other side. This being said not everyone will find mindfulness uncomfortable, some will take to it easily and with vigor feeling the enrichment instantly. The following steps are just important for those that find that path straight and easy as those that find the journey to be a little more scenic.

5 Easy steps to Integrate Mindfulness into Everyday Life Safely and Effectively

1.     Find Health Practitioners that are good at what they do to help you integrate what you discover.

2.     Find the right tool(s) that works for you. Not everyone will love focusing on the breath; I know I don’t.

3.     Take it easy and above all self-care.

4.     Choose safe people in your life as support and to share with.

5.     Always be honest with yourself and don’t try to make things fit that don’t and let yourself dream

Charlotte Brammer

Psychotherapist. Hypnotherapist

Equine Assisted Therapist

Where Our Consciousness As A Species Is Going; Creating a Whole Education

As a species I believe half our education is missing. The funny thing is you can find both sides of this education, albeit slightly skewed, within our cultures and history. The interesting thing is how they have been kept on opposite sides of the spectrum, and ridiculed depending on which side you stand upon. On one we have science and on the other we have self-mastery, or in other words the outer world and the inner. All the religions of the world have tried illuminating the path to self-understanding and awareness. At the core they speak of our connection to the creative force inherent in all the forms of the diverse manifestation of energy within our known universe. In creating this force as external to us they unfortunately missed. Science in fact has begun to try to understand and illuminate this seemingly infinite and omnipresent force as well and sees the connection inherent in all including us but has missed the point of how this is valuable to self-mastery or our experience of ourselves. Where I believe we miss is in our compartmentalization of what is useful and important. In our history that has swung from survival, to religiousness, to science, to spirituality and now to, well in many cases, a freeing of mind to the unknown.

I believe since the moment that we compartmentalized ourselves there has been an imbalance leading to striving for power and control based on the first stage of survival. As the pendulum of our conscious growth swings it has been learning through these manifestations of survival, religiousness, to science, to spirituality. So where are these evolutions leading too for our global, and as Carl Jung coined it, collective consciousness? I believe that as a species we are on the cusp of being able to finally merge our education into a complete one; the merging of our outer understanding with a deeper understanding of our inner world. All of our previous manifestations of learning have been aimed at getting us there, however because they didn’t contain each other they were incomplete. You can’t compartmentalize education and teach but a few courses and hope that the rest of the subjects will become illuminated on their own.

            As we as a species have changed our form of education and in doing so our consciousness we have been creating and re-creating our social and world systems to suit our new awareness. I believe that in this external mirror we can see how complete or lacking our education has been. If the system is causing damage and isn’t working then it shows a lack in our education. This couldn’t be clearer right now as how can our education be complete while we hurt one another and destroy the very things we need to survive. This goes against the very first stage of our learning. So what does complete education look like? It is an education of both the inner and outer world. It is the study and deep understanding of self, of our motivations of our true experience. From this place understanding technology and social systems and the universe will allow us to expand our awareness and power in a healthy and beneficial way. To gain power and not understand our own drivers for using that power is insanity; so to is not teaching emotional intelligence to a species who’s basic driver in life is emotionally based.

The journey must start to focus the individual inwards; the greatest changes begin this way. This process is not without its growing pains. It can be very uncomfortable and dislocating to dissolve your definitions of self and society. What you realize once you do it is that you still exist without definitions and you begin to glimpse your own vastness. We are so much larger then our small-minded definitions allow. In this vastness it is incomprehensible to choose destruction and small-minded social constructs. You realize that things like fitting in, or proving your value have absolutely no meaning along with many other social pressures. It is a perspective change to one of inner freedom. Once the journey inward reaches its pinnacle it dissolves into an outward movement once more. We begin to experience the creative force that we continually outflow into our environment. It is at this point that we realize the true innate power that we possess. This is why so many voices say the most powerful shift for the world is the one that happens within an individual being, and it is true.

In conclusion, in our current stage of returning our minds back to a state of innocence, of possibility, to the unknown and breaking down the rigid and stagnant past limitations of all our compartmentalizing we need to begin to redefine our education in this life. We need to redefine ourselves and our place within the scheme of life on this planet and the universe. We need to let go of our definitions of consciousness and begin to expand through experience in both inner and outer directions to fully understand anything of value. The inner journey is trying to understand what exactly the human experience is; it is trying to learn about our multiple types of intelligences, not just the mental one. This inner exploration will allow us to grasp the significance of the information we learn about our external world, how to recreate better social systems, cultural systems. Bio and ecological systems can be protected and restored and we can try to deeply pursue the mysteries of the universe and life in a non-invasive way. Not only will it be non-invasive but also our search can be unlimited once we can transcend the bounds of safe science that we feel constricted to for fear of alienation. It is time for a holistic education and true freedom for mankind’s experience and growth. 

Cheers,

Charlotte Brammer

Psychotherapist . Hypnotherapist

Equine Assisted Therapist . Reiki Master

Living Clarity

One Woman’s Story in an Equine Facilitated Open Themed Workshop

It seemed to drizzle a cold clumpy rain the entire day during an open themed workshop with a group of women in the fall of 2014. Surprisingly the weather on this day acted as a trigger for one of the women (we will call her Jane to keep her privacy.) It took her back to her childhood, of being cold and wet while her mother dragged her from door to door trying to convert people. Her father once and a while would finally take her into the car and take her shoes off and try to get her feet warm by sticking them in front of the vents on full heat. In the beginning she would voice her needs but eventually after being ignored and never stood up for, she fell silent. Her mother’s choice to convert to JW influenced the rest of her life. On this day it came rushing back all at once while she worked with a young mare named Anunciada, Anna for short. Their work began before they got into the round pen together. Anna paced around the gate, throwing her head, stomping and showing frustration calling out to Jane. Every time Jane would approach she would leave. Jane would wander away and again Anna would stomp and clearly want to Jane to come over.

Once it was time to start her session Anna was brought into the round pen. When Jane approached, Anna would barely let her enter. The dance started anew once Jane was in the center of the pen, Anna would approach, embrace Jane then look away, wander off and come back. So I asked how Jane was feeling and she said she felt frustrated (Anna mirrored this by shaking her head and showing signs of frustration.) Jane just wanted to know what Anna wanted from her. I asked her what she wanted and she said she wanted connection, for people to be there when she needed them, to stop abandoning her. She said she felt angry, I asked her if she had ever voiced her anger before? She said no, I told her to start but she was fearful that Anna would get angry and run her over. We talked a little about how horses value congruency, that it is when we are being incongruent that they feel fear. If we are honest with our anger it is actually a safe space for them as long as we are not physically venting our anger at them. While she was doing this Anna moved around the outside of the ring giving her space and staying with her which she continued to do as Jane finally began to vent her rage. It started quietly at first, but as she gained momentum her voice grew louder and louder until she was screaming her rage at the world. At his point Anna stood watching and waiting, completely focused on Jane in the middle of the circle as she began to say the things she had never said before. Anna dropped her head and released a giant sigh as the woman finally found her voice.

She talked about how she was angry that her father didn’t stand up for his daughter against his crazy wife, how everything, Christmas the snow the cold stopped at the age of five, how it all became meaningless. How she just wanted to be a kid and watch her Saturday morning cartoons and not try to convert people because the world was coming to an end. She was angry that when she finally knew that there was no god and that she needed more then ever, her entire community treated her like she had died. How she had suffered abuse from an elder in that community. How she wants people and men to be with her through the darkness. She kept voicing her anger, until Anna came and nudged her. I told her I agreed with Anna that even though she was giving it a voice she still wasn’t fully engaged, I told her to get the body involved; what would the body do to voice the anger? She was stomping mad in the mud, and then she said I just want people to see me, to witness and be in the mud with me.

            As her anger came to a close she began to let the gates down and sorrow poured out as exhaustion took over. At this point Anna came to the gate and very clearly was trying to pull us into the pen. All of us, the two practitioners and the other women in the workshop followed Anna into the pen. Anna took each one of us, one at a time and placed us around the weeping woman. She re-arranged us until she was happy with where we all were. Anna walked a circle around us all as we laid our hands upon Jane supporting her and keeping her upright. Then Anna came in herself and gently laid her head against Jane’s heart and allowed her to collapse over Anna and hug her face. We all stayed that way until she was finished. When she was ready Anna pulled back and we all broke the connection. Anna came around to each of us to thank us all and then began to walk to the gate. Jane said she didn’t need to put her back as Anna knew where to go; she just wanted to go into the house to warm up as her feet were freezing. Anna did know where to go and she shook her entire body dislodging all the energy she had collected before we put her back with her herd.

            Jane had connected deeply to a need that had not been met; she realized that through her choices she was reliving the same story over and over. She knew she was ready to change the story and wanted to create relationships in her life that were healthy and didn’t mirror the old pain. She was ready to create different choices in her life. The mare that Jane chose to work with once had anger issues of her own, she often seems called to work with those who lack a voice and help them to connect to their inner power free from anger. She is often called to work with women who have suffered physical or sexual abuse and always has a powerfully healing affect especially for those suffering from PTSD. This mare is very powerful; I have posted two pictures of her. She seems to be able to warp energy as you can see in the second picture. She has done this many times to pictures. This is a DSLR Camera and it only ever happens on Anna. (I do know how to use Photoshop but I have not touched this photo, it still gives me Goosebumps when I see it.)

If you are interested in finding your own voice, or working on something that has been with you for a very long time to further your own success in life or in business then contact me directly via this blog or the contacts page at http://www.livingclarity.ca/contact.html 

• Walk in the footsteps of a horse and embrace a Limitless World

• Feel through the heartbeat of a horse and reclaim yourself

• See through the eyes of a horse and reclaim your vision

• Soar with the spirit of the horse and change the world

Cheers,

Charlotte BrammerPsychotherapist . HypnotherapistEquine Assisted Therapist . Reiki MasterLiving Clarity