It is of utmost importance when we are
trying to create positive change and build new habits that we maintain a sense
of perspective. It can be so easy to become distracted, move into anxiety and
stress from the simplest of stimuli. Once this happens we begin to drive around
inside our bodies on autopilot, and once we are on autopilot we become reactive
rather then conscious. The problem is that our reactivity stems from outdated
belief systems, the very belief systems we are trying to change in the first
place. Let’s take a moment here to explore this farther and why this is so.
When we are born we are perhaps preprogrammed on some level to have certain
traits but we are not born with specific mindsets.
We learn things in three main ways as we
grow.
1. We are handed the belief down through verbal tutoring.
2. We misinterpret confusing actions, such as anger from a parent when
we are having fun.
3. We create a fantasy, or assumption and then believe it to be true.
This is
called an initial sensitizing event, it creates a specific belief system about
who we are and or what the world is like. It becomes the basis for our choices.
Diagram created by Charlotte Brammer
After using these beliefs for many
years they start to become unconscious, we don’t even realize why we are doing
or feeling things.
As the above
diagram shows after the initial belief is created it is accompanied by an
emotional reaction, which translates into how we physically show up in the
world. This becomes our internal landscape; all our choices and behaviors are
filtered through this internal landscape now and often create the very outcomes
that prove the initial belief in the first place. As a simple example: if we
are told as children we will never succeed then through our actions, reactions
and choices we will often create self fulfilling prophecies that create our
lack of success. After using these beliefs for many years they start to become
unconscious, we don’t even realize why we are doing or feeling things. We can’t
see why our outcomes and stories seem to repeat over and over again.
When we are
on our journey of returning to wholeness it becomes imperative to bring
ourselves back to a state of awareness rather then autopilot. Any change that
we are trying to create will need us to keep a sense of perspective, whether
that perspective is on the big picture or on a new way of seeing / feeling
things. Another way of thinking of this, if you drive in the same place on a
dirt road over and over you eventually make deep ruts. It becomes very hard to
get out of these ruts. As we look back over our unconscious patterns and
dynamics and start creating new healthy belief systems, choices, behaviors and
outcomes we start driving on a totally new section of the dirt road. When we
loose perspective we swerve and end up back in ruts. To create a new habit we
must use the new section of the road until the old ruts fill in over time and
we create new healthier ruts. These are also known as neural pathways.
So
how we can stack the odds in our favor as we clear out unhelpful old patterns
and create new higher quality outcomes?
Tip Number 1. Mindfulness
Mindfulness techniques can help us
retrain our consciousness to stay more aware of the present moment. In the
present moment we can start to become aware of the internal pulls of our
preprogramed patterns that have created our current circumstances. Once we have
done this training it will be much easier to notice when we have lost our
perspective on things and have fallen back into autopilot.
Before you
start your mindfulness practice make sure to read my blog What You Need toKnow About Mindfulness Before You Start Your Practice - 5 Easy steps to Integrate Mindfulness into Everyday Life Safely andEffectively
Tip Number 2. Reminders
I find personally that once I have done
the work to heal outdated patterns and dynamics and have created a new way of relating
to myself and the world that it often helps me to use an object that is small
enough to carry with me to help remind me of the new perspective I am trying to
integrate into my life. You can use any object that is suitable as long as you
will be able to see it often. Each time you catch sight of it, carry it, touch
it or play with allow it to remind you about what you are trying to create.
Feel that creation as vividly as you can and see the ripple effects it might
create in your life. For example if you realize you can be a success and you
feel empowered how might that change the behaviors and outcomes in your life?
Tip Number 3. Compassion
In the times where you slip, where you
loose perspective and you find yourself reliving old dynamics, feelings and
stories don’t fall into the trap of beating yourself up and letting the inner
critic kick you when you are down. Instead take a moment to breath, give
yourself a hug. Allow the feelings of frustration to flow through you to
completion and then feel the gratitude that you were able to catch the
autopilot and bring yourself back to the new perspective. The more you practice
this dance the easier it will become to notice when you wander and to bring
yourself back. Forgive yourself.
Tip Number 4. Notice Both Fear and Resistance
Part of creating new patterns and creating
change is fear and along with it internal resistance. This is perfectly normal
especially when we are just getting our feat wet and learning the process. The
tip here is to breath, feel the fear and do it anyway. If there is one thing I
have learned is that there is always a way and that everything can be figured
out with the right attitude and an open mind.
With
internal resistance it will become a great opportunity to try and understand
where it is stemming from and to move through it a lot like the outdated belief
systems that we are trying to change in the first place.
Tip Number 5. Trust Your Vision and Your Intuition
In the beginning when you are on your
journey to learning who you really are and what the world is really like it can
be hard to trust your intuition or to even know what that is. With time it will
become easier to recognize. Intuition is a big part of our dreams, our vision
of what could be possible if only we had the courage to try. There is a
difference inside when something feels right and something feels off. These
sensations start to become our inner compass, the driving force behind the
inspiration in our lives.
There
is nothing better to help us keep perspective then if we have a vision of what
we are trying to create. This vision is something we can hold with us, to
create sacred space for it to germinate and manifest. This vision might be as
grand as the world or only a small part of our lives. It does not matter the
size of the vision only how it makes us feel how real it is to us. If our
visions are strong enough then they become worth taking risks and facing our
fears, and our intuitions will kick into high gear as we learn to navigate the
world of positive change.
Charlotte Brammer
Psychotherapist, Hypnotherapist
Equine Assisted Therapist
